Surreal Life: SSBM Edition
by Kojay
Summary: 9 smashers live in a house for 8, they have challanges, teams, and they get to vote one person out. Mature for language, Adult themes, and a little violence, and a little Lemon here and there.
1. Day 1

Disclaimer: I do not own The show Surreal Life or any characters related to it, an I don't own SSBM, or any characters related to it, or any ideas of I just borrow them.

This is just a little something I thought would be interesting, um and if you are a little kid or just doesn't like Cussing, a little violence, and some Adult situations you my want to leave. This isn't a one shot thing; I do plan on adding more chapters later.

**Surreal Life: SSBM Edition **

9 roommates must deal with each other in a house that is large enough to fit 8 people very comfortably. The roommates are Peach, Zelda, Samus, Link, Mario, Gannondorf, Ness, Marth, and Mr. Game&Watch. They must live together, in hopes that they can complete their challenges and survive each other…

**Day 1 **

"Hello is anyone here yet?" a plumber was banging on the door of the house.

"Oh hello again!" Marth went on skipping towards Mario.

"Oh fuck…." Mario started using his head to bang on the door.

Peach comes up and smacks Marth into the shrubbery with her umbrella "Oh Mario, I heard you where in this too, I was so happy." She hugged Mario with her loving and gentle arms.

Mario, much shorter then Peach, had his face in Peach's breasts as she hugged him. He accidentally popped one right there and it hit peaches leg.

Peach just giggled "Oh silly Mario! Wait till tonight hunny."

The others started to arrive, Zelda and Link rode Epona to the house, Gannondorf appeared in a purple flash, Ness flew by spaceship and Samus dropped off Ness then parked the ship. The gang was all there, 8 people.

"Yo, Yo, Yo Wassup?" Mr. Game&Watch came up to the group. "Sorry I'm late yo."

All the other roommates gaped. No one thought he would show up, what where they to do? They had to get rid of them they thought, but how….

"What ya'll just stand there for? Let's go in!"

Marth and Link exchanged glances with Gannondorf, they had a plan. As Mr. G&W walked to the door Link and Marth held out their swords. Gannondorf tripped Mr. G&W and he went flying right towards the swords. He closed his eyes and prepared for the worst. Just then he started to slow down and he stopped right before he came to the swords. Ness had saved him. "Come on guys, what's breakfast with out Mr. G&W's bacon"

They all agreed but then Mario spoke up, "It's sausage!"

"No, Its bacon"

"Sausage!"

As the two fought he figured it would be best to slip into the house before they asked him what it really was. As he got in the walked to all the bedrooms to find his. He found that Link and Marth were roommates and they had a sword fighting arena between their beds. He continued on and found a room that was all pink and had three beds. He then realized that this was a room for Peach, Zelda, and Samus. He started to get happy thoughts and wondered "holy fuck, I wonder if they got any cameras in there, in case of girl on girl _on _girl action" he shrugged and left the room. Another room belonged to Mario and Ness, "oh no," he thought "I'm gonna have to share a room with Gannondorf." He walked to Gannondorf's room. It was all black and had only one bed, he wasn't with Gannondorf after all. He walked around the rest of the house and couldn't find his room. He walked into the kitchen. "Those good fo nutin bastards." He walked closer to a cardboard box in the corner. "Sho' 'nuff" he said pissed off. The box in the corner had the words 'Mista Game and Watchs rume' as if it was made by one of the producers' sons. Just then all the others came into the house and Ness had a bloody nose.

"Mario" Peach glared.

"What? I didn't think I hit him with the wrench that hard." Mario said shrugging of her stare.

"Well guess what, no sex for you tonight." Peach huffed.

"Bu, but, but…. You said you would clean my pipes!"

"That was before you hurt poor Ness, you can survive one night without head."

Mario walked off into his room and he noticed Ness was his roommate and started to tremble.

"Link can you help him?" Zelda asked.

"Yes I can ladies stand back." Links said as the three girls sighed out of infatuation. Link pulled out a bottle with a fairy. He opened the lid.

"Hey Listen!"

Link shut the bottle and shook it as hard as he could. "Little bitch." He turned and saw the girls staring. "It seems that I have grabbed the wrong bottle. He pulled out another bottle and the fairy healed Ness then disappeared. "There good as new"

"Hey thanks Link." Ness got up touched his nose. "Well off to my room" he said cheerfully. He skipped all the way to his room until he saw Mario. His eyes glowed red.

"Hey Link it looks like you and I are roooommates!" Marth said happily

Link totally covered by the girls for being such a hero, freaked. "Um Samus take off your suit." She obeyed and gave the suit to Link. "Um... ok…" he found Mr. G&W hiding in a corner from Ness and Mario. He picked him up and threw him in the suit. "You go entertain the bisexual." He kicked Mr. G&W in Samus's suit at Marth.

"Hey what the hell yo?" Mr. G&W asked as he landed in front of Marth.

Marth's eyes got really big. "Hi Samus"

"Uh hi." Mr. G&W replied.

"Hi Samus"

"Oh my pixel!" Mr. G&W cried as Marth started peeing on the suit. Mr. G&W ran out the door in the suit then broke it with his hammer, throwing random suit parts every where making it look like Samus went streaking.

"Oh Baby Come Back" Marth ran out the door.

"I GET HIS BED!" all the girls screamed.

"No! I saw Link first I should get the bed next to him!" Zelda cried.

"Well he doesn't hit little kids like_ Mario _does." She said so Mario could hear him. "I should get it."

"Sniff… Nobody ever has even kissed me… I SHOULD GET THAT BED!" Samus yelled.

The three girls started fighting. Gannondorf walked over. "I know what I can do to help!"

"You can get them to stop fighting?" Ness asked.

"Oh no my boy," he raises his hand and mud falls all over the girls, "I can help make this fight more sexy!" he chuckled as Ness ran away.

"I wanna do something….." Mario said.

"What can you do to make this sexier?" Link asked.

"Not sexier, but more interesting!" Mario runs and picks up Ness. "Tally ho!" he chucks Ness into the Cat fight. "Now it will be funny as well!"

"Ok I wanna stop it before Ness dies and the girls severely injure each others wonderful breasts and other things of that nature." He throws the bottle with navi in it against the wall and it shatters killing navi and stops the fight. Ness crawls out from under the girls and goes into the kitchen. The girls dresses where ripped and torn every where, reveling a lot of skin. "Ok ladies. I have an idea. I move my bed into your room and we push all the beds together and make a huge love bed for all four of us!"

"I think that's a good idea" Samus said

"I like that idea" Peach agreed.

"I love that idea hun" Zelda as she ran up and gave him a half naked hug, she had really gotten her clothes torn up.

While Link and the girls where reorganizing the beds, Ness was in the kitchen plotting. He had eight potatoes, two knives, glue, and a bowl of Rice Crusties. He took them to his room and hid them under his bed. He then hopped into bed and went to sleep.

Marth walked in wearing Samus's suit without helmet. "I never found her…." He walked into his room and fell asleep on his bed.

Gannondorf, bored, decided head to bed as well. Mario said goodnight to Mr. G&W and headed of into his room, not knowing of the terror that awaited him the next day. Mr. G&W got as comfortable as he could in his little box. Day one was over.

I hope you liked it C&C are accepted, but please, no flaming, flaming doesn't help anybody; accept maybe Blazing Fool because he needs it. There will be at least 5 chapters but depending on the turnout, there maybe more. This was the longest and most fun to write out of all my fics so far. Peace out


	2. Day 2

Disclaimer: I blah blah, blah blah blah, blah _blah_ don't own anything.

Day 1 is over and its time for the roommates to become situated. What will happen as Day 2 unfolds?

Day 2

Link sleepily arose from the pile of women. 'What a night' he thought. The walked in the kitchen naked, thinking it was the bathroom. Link got right in front of Mr.G&W's box and let it all go.

"What the hell?" Mr.G&W moaned as he awoke after receiving a shower no one ever deserved. He looked up and saw link and all his nakedness.

"Hi Mr.G&W," Link said rubbing his eyes. "what are you doing in the… uh… oh…" he slowly backed away, "Sorry G.W."

In Mario's room he awoke to the sound of a marker squeak. He looked on Ness's side of the room and saw that the eight potatoes Ness had were drawn on and they looked just like everyone in the house. He thought that it was just the little psychic boy's homemade dollies. He got out of bed and looked for Peach. He walked into her room and saw her naked, cuddled up with Zelda and Samus who were also naked. Mario quickly took a Kodak picture and ran into the restroom.

"Mario! Hurry the Hell up! That elf boy took a piss on me and I need to take a shower!" Mr. G&W demanded as he banged on the bathroom door. Mario was making moans and couldn't hear him. "What are you doing in there?" Mr. G&W said taking a step back. He then took out a torch. "Well I don't have all day for you to do that!" he burned down the door and triggered and explosion that sent him rocketing back to his pee-covered box. Mario just turned and looked out the door as a green fog seeped from the bathroom into the main room. Mario had farted and was taking a crap.

"Excuse ME!" Mario said pulling up his pants. The smell got into Links nose and knocked him out. Mario walked over and picked Mr. G&W up by the neck and carried him into the bathroom. When they got to the bathroom Mario shoved Mr. G&W's head into the toilet and flushed, a Nuklear Swirly.

The three girls woke up and put some clothes on, Zelda put on Links green tunic, Peach put on Links red tunic, and Samus put on links blue tunic. They all grabbed some make-up and paint, and decided to play a trick on Gannondorf. "His room is all black right?" Peach asked the other two girls sweetly.

"Yes it is" Samus nodded. Zelda opened the cans of pink paint. The three walked into Gannondorf's room and gaped. Gannondorf's, a.k.a. Gannon the evil of all things evil, room was already painted pink! "Wow, someone must have all ready got here first." She opened up a lipstick tube,"Lets see if he needs some make-up." They walked up to Gannondorf's bed and saw that his face was already covered with all the make-up it could be covered with. "Someone beat us to this too!" Samus cried waking up Gannondorf.

"Oh hello girls, are we having a make-up party?" Gannondorf asked happily

"Uh…no." the girls said as they ran into the main room. They looked around and saw Mario washing his hands, Mr.G&W sitting crap and piss covered in his piss covered box, and naked Link regaining consciousness. "Hi Link!" they said to him cheerfully.

"Hey my tunics." He said.

"Sorry link," Zelda said sadly.

"No, no, it's ok." He kissed the top of her bowed head. "I have one more I can where." He came back after a minute, wearing his white tunic.

"Hey Link?" The girls asked "Where did you get that white tunic?"

"Well, ladies, it was a long time ago. I believe it was my first adventure I was in the middle of saving Zelda and I found this cave-ish place and I got my white tunic, which was along time ago, at least 18 years."

"But I didn't think you two where that old." Samus and Peach said to Link and Zelda

"I'm just as old as you if not younger Peach." Zelda said

"Ladies calm down" Mario said, also listening to the story, "Link where did you get that black tunic man?"

"Well that's a funny story actually, I was…."

Mario was distracted by some laughing he heard coming from his room. He walked off and opened his door. He saw a pile of pens on one side of the room and one pen on the other side, Ness was pointing to the one pen and laughing hysterically. 'Creepy' Mario thought closing the door slowly and quietly stepping back. He made it back over to Link.

"…and that's how I got my black tunic and lost my virginity!" Link finished. The girls we all cuddled up around him.

"Mario" Peach said sweetly, "have you been a good boy so far today?" Mario nodded. "Well then, I'm coming to your room tonight, Ness can room with Marth."

"Okay!" Mario said happily.

Marth walked out of his room, it was already three and he was now just finishing his hair. "Hey, if this is the surreal life, should we have, "Marth held up and air quoted his next word, "Challenges?"

"Did Someone Say CHALLENGES?" A male wire frame wearing a bow tie burst through the front door.

"Uh, yes… I did." Marth sheepishly raised his hand.

"Well then here is today's _challenge_! Well... First off here are the teams, Link and the girls are the blue team, and Mario, Marth, Ness, and Gannondorf are the red team…"

"Hey what about me?" Mr.G&W yelled as he walked out of the bath room, he had taken a shower during Link's stories.

"Oh… you… you can be team Black." The wire frame replied

"I'm by myself!"

"Yes."

"Damn you…"

"Ok now for your challenge." He held out two note cards and a post-it note. "Team Blue, you will cut this blue note card in half, Team Red, you have to burn this red note card. And Team Black here ya go." The male wire frame handed Mr.G&W the post-it note.

"What is this? It looks like a shopping list, what am I supposed to do with it?"

"That is a shopping list. You must solve world hunger"

"Wit' bow starch?"

"Oh, that's mine," the wire frame hands Mr.G&W another list.

"Hold it still girls! I don't wanna cut of your arms!" Link cried.

"We're trying!" the girls said simultaneously.

"Mario why won't you touch the flower? We need your fire power!" Gannondorf yelled.

"You look like a clown with all that make-up on, how do I know you won't squirt me with that flower?"

"Damn-it! I didn't know Ethiopians were so damn hungry, Britain and the U.S. only took 10 minutes, and they took an hour. Last stop, Russia."

Link brought down his sword and Mario raised his hand, they both completed their challenge at the same it with only a minute to spare. "Well it looks like team Blue and Red are our winners! Way to go." The Male wire frame said happily.

Mr.G&W open the door and crawled in. "Every, mouth in the world is full, and everyone is happy…"

"Oh that's too bad, it took you three hours and one minute, you lose."

"I just fucking fixed world hunger, and I LOSE? Go to hell." Mr.G&W stormed off to his new room under the bathroom sink.

Link, Zelda, and Samus went back to their room, and the other roommates did the same. It was all quiet except for a few moans and grown coming from Mario's room, then it all stopped "Link?" Mario cried.

"No I said Mario." Peach stammered

"You said Link…" He started to sniffle.

"Well he is better at this then you, and he does this more with Zelda then you and I. And He has a sword, not a little fire flower."

"Hey SIZE has nothing to do with it!" Mario sobbed.

"I was talking about his weapon. But while this issue is out on the floor, size _does_ matter." Peach slaps Mario.

"What was that for?"

"For not growing up, you might as well be gay with Marth. I'm leaving you!" Peach grabbed her clothes and went to Links room.

Well that's the end of Day 2. On Day 3 someone gets booted out. Who is it? You'll just have to tune in and find out! Peace out!


End file.
